The Holy Spearit will continue to bless us with new tunes in 2012–even if it’s not through her own music.

In an interview with Capital FM, Black Eyed Peas front-man Will.I.Am confirmed that Britney will be featured on his upcoming album, #willpower.

From the interview:

Speaking about the album’s collaborations, Will.i.am said: “I have a song with Alicia Keys – me, Alicia and Swedish House Mafia. I have a song with The Beats, which is pretty grand. Me and Shakira have been trying to finish the stuff we started, and me and Britney is really crazy.”

My personal feelings on Mr. I.Am aside, I could NOT be happier to hear that we’re about to hear a new tune from The One And Only Miss Spears. Here’s hoping the song features only Britney’s vocals! (A boy can dream.)

Y’all ready for the kick drum? For the kick drum? The bass is about to get EVEN. BIG-GAH.

I’ve always been quite confident that Will.I.Am is on a personal vendetta to ruin my life.

From “Check It Out,” featuring Nicki Minaj & Cheryl Cole, to “T.H.E. (The Hardest Ever)” featuring Jennifer Lopez and Mick Jagger, to his own group’s illustrious back catalog, the Black Eyed Peas‘ pop incarnation of Satan has been serving up Auto-Tune slathered, mind-numbing, ear-bleeding, tinfoil-covered painful pop turds for seemingly centuries now.

But now, he’s really gone and done it.

In an interview with Capital FM, the “Boom Boom Pow” soul-sucker confirmed that none other than his own label’s ‘musical act’ LMFAO, the uncle-nephew duo with all the appeal of those two smelly distant relatives that you tried desperately avoid at your cousin’s Bar Mitzvah last year (I think your Uncle Schlomo went to Hebrew School with one of them?), have somehow dug their drunk talons into Madonna‘s massively anticipated Superbowl performance.

From Billboard:

Speaking to Capital FM about Madge’s halftime show, Will.i.am says, “I’m going to the Super Bowl this year to see my group LMFAO perform with Madonna.” LMFAO, who scored a pair of Hot 100 chart-toppers last year with “Party Rock Anthem” and “Sexy and I Know It,” are signed to Will.i.am Music Group through Cherrytree/Interscope.

The Peas star continued, “Check that out, Will.i.am Music Group is pretty freaking two for two…One year the Super Bowl, the next year another group part of the Super Bowl in collaboration with Madonna. That’s still happening.”

Look, I get what’s occurring: Relevancy is a factor for Madonna in 2012. LMFAO are ‘hit-makers.’ “Sexy And I Know It” is, like, a thing or whatever. Frat boys and Jersey Shore cast members are very much here for LMFAO.

But Madonna is different, okay? You can’t just pour shots, wear zany necklaces and yell some “WIGGLE, WIGGLE, WIGGLE, YEAH!” bullshit while farting across stage in a drunken haze and doing coke in the locker room off of a discarded jock strap.

It’s fucking MADONNA. Singer of “Live To Tell.” She’s not an irritating rash on the surface of pop music–she’s a masterclass entertainer, a storyteller, an ingenious provocateur that challenged the boundaries of shock and taste in a smart, thoughtful way. (I mean, she did give that guy a rim-job in the Sex book, BUT THAT WAS ART.)

There are so, so, so many other ‘hot’ artists happening on the charts right now that would have worked better: Rihanna, Drake, Usher, fuck, even Katy Perry. But LMFAO? I mean…is there no sanctity? Is there no respect? God?

This is simply a travesty: Madonna is the Queen. Who invited the court jesters? Music weeps.

Earlier this afternoon, I received a press release announcing the upcoming return of Timbaland: “Timbaland Debuts Single In Provacative Video for Raphael Mazzucco!”

Tempted by both the question of what Timbaland would be working on in these post-RedOne dark days of radio, as well as what could possibly be contained in the (amusingly misspelled) ‘provacative video,’ I inquired within. And oh, how glad I am that I did.

At the risk of being accused of laziness, I’ve–err, lazily bullet-pointed the most crucial items at hand:

What. What. WHAT?!

FINALLY, a song that does proper justice to the female form–because nothing quite says female empowerment like a new club cut from Timbaland (of “Ayo Technology” fame), Pitbull (of “Hotel Room Service” fame) and David Guetta (of “Sexy Bitch” fame) in which the boys take turns merrily speak-singing about degrading women above a trashy “Calabria” rip-off beat slapped atop an ‘artsy’ trailer for a book of scantily clad models shot by a Sports Illustrated photographer inspired by Professional Annoyance/Purveyor of Shit-Pop Will.I.Am–all set into motion by Interscope bigwig, Jimmy Iovine.

Choice lyric from Timba’s new cut? Hard to make this one out entirely, but it comes at the 0:38 mark, as Pitbull happily raps:

“She does what I say, she does what I please…she lives on her knees. Ha!”

As Eleanor Roosevelt would likely proclaim: “FUCK YES! EQUALITY!”

So, congratulations boys: You’ve literally created the most offensive ensemble production of the year, worthy of making the good ol’ boys of Jersey Shore look like a set of straitlaced suitors from the British royal family.

At the end of the day, this screenshot says it best…

An ass is just [an] ass–especially a whole recording studio full of ‘em.

Mo’ money, mo’ problems? Not for Miss Natalia Kills!

Busting out some of her best couture poses, Ms. Kills takes her sweethearts on a shopping spree of not-so-subliminal messages and utter threadlust in the video for her latest single, “Free (feat. Will.I.Am).”

While she might be working down to her last lonely dollar, it doesn’t mean she’s not going to rock it like she’s got free-flowing funds: I’m la-la-loving all these killer high fashion styles and outrageous ‘do’s (that flammable sky-high hair bun!)–especially the bad bitch dominatrix get-up she’s working in the money pit. Sharp stilettos and black leather…all day, erryday please!

So get your fives, get your tens, get your twenties out…

“Free (feat. Will.I.Am)” was released on June 28. (iTunes)

Today, my bloody valentine Natalia Kills releases the third single off of her forthcoming debut album Perfectionist: “Free.”

Produced by Jeff Bhasker (Kanye West) and co-penned by Kills, Kid Cudi and No I.D., “Free” is one of the most fun, breezy songs off of Kills’ long awaited debut that, most importantly, contains the objectively perfect pop line: “I can look fresh in a potato sack.”

Natalia Kills – Free (feat will.i.am) by CherrytreeRecords

The single version also contains an opening verse by Will.I.Cannot.. It’s nothing too grating, but…you know. I just can’t.

“Free” was released on June 28. (iTunes)

To review a new Britney Spears record, for me, is a bit like asking a crazed pageant mother if she believes her daughter is a star.

Sure, she might have spilled apple juice (or Cheetos, more fittingly) all over her glitz costume, forgotten the steps to her baton routine halfway through the performance and fallen asleep onstage, but in the end, she’s still Miss Grand Supreme in my eyes.

This is what journalists often refer to as “full disclosure.” With all that being said…let’s do this.

If I said my heart was beating loud…

Well, I guess Britney forum exclusives are the new black!

Check out a brand new 40-second clip of “The Big Fat Bass,” the upcoming Femme Fatale track produced by Will.I.Am.

“It’s getting big-gah, the bass is getting big-gah!” Sillyney announces on top of the song’s swollen, throbbing beat. God, she’s (just begun) having some fun with her vocals again with this era!

While this isn’t my favorite track of the bunch, I believe it’s safe to conclude that “The Big Fat Bass” does not sound like the soul-sucking robot waste that is “Check It Out,” so I’m generally pleased.

It’s danceable, the beat is catchy and the Auto-Tune usage isn’t entirely offensive…I approve thus far!

I’m also getting some “Give It 2 Me” vibes from Madonna‘s Hard Candy with this track for some reason. Anyone else?

Will.I.Am, professional bar mitzvah banger maker, has just tweeted a snippet of his upcoming track with Britney for her forthcoming studio album, Femme Fatale.

And while the song title makes me want to SET MYSELF ON FIRE, here’s how it sounds:

PROS
• The song consists of some major ’90′s house power piano chords, as well as a pulsing, inoffensive electronic beat–and that’s before we even hear the big fat bass in question.
• “I can be the treble baby, you can be the bass,” Britney announces on repeat, including a nice little harmonization during the third repetition.
• She pronounces “treble” in a way that sounds like “Trouble,” which also happens to be one of Britney’s greatest songs ever.
• Will.I.Am’s robot voice announces “The Femme Fatale” at the very end of the clip…that’s kind of fun. Also kind of annoying. Not sure on this one, actually.

CONS
• Will.I.Am exists on this track.

In summation: This has plenty of room to go either way–it could be massive or just massively embarrassing. It’s hard to properly judge, aswe haven’t even heard the bass yet.

Still, if snippets are anything to go by…this is by far the least impressive yet.

COME ON, give me something to remember…