Look: I’m not an asshole. Not a heartless one anyway. If you can, I believe you should donate to the Haiti crisis, a disaster of the most immense and terrifying proportions.
That being said, so is the superstar remake of “We Are The World,” recorded as a charity single for Haiti.
I mean, for the love of GOD…to start off the track with Justin Beebop? The Jonas Brothers? Miley Cyrus?! What is this, J-14 and Friends?
I’m surprised K$$$ didn’t come swinging in with a bottle of jack to spit up a few lines before returning to her (RECORD LABEL MANUFACTURED AND ENDORSED) whimsical lifestyle of coke and excess.
Thanks be to Barbra Streisand for providing the hands-down LOLZ of the Century Award with her hilariously over-the-top emoting at the microphone (and uncanny resemblance to my 12th grade English teacher).
Shockingly, Celine manages to bottle up her crazy to a respectable degree for this video, though I suspect it has more to do with her lack of screen-time than her actual ability to subdue the inner dancing panda bear in her ear tempting her to break into the funky chicken at any moment.
As the song goes on it becomes even harder to swallow, as with the directorial decision to crop an awkward looking Janet Jackson next to her late brother as she sadly (and/or weirdly) mouths along to the chorus. Tacky? Why, that would be far too kind of a description.
Oh, and then the rapping. Dear God, the RAPPING.
Also, I love the fact that during Kanye West‘s 15 seconds of fame in the song, it looks as though Nicole Scherzinger keeps trying to sing her line, only to be repeatedly interrupted by the ego himself time and time again. LITERALLY PRICELESS.
Extra credit and love goes out to Pink, M.J. Blige and Jennifer Hudson for maintaining the natural class and dignity that this project really needed.
In the aftermath of this video, only one question remains: What would Michael say?
