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This is Not A Drill: Madonna’s New Single “Give Me All Your Love” to Feature M.I.A. and Nicki Minaj

File this one under “Headlines that sound like punchlines but are actually real life.” Deep breaths. Deep breaths.

Earlier today, the usually reliable fan sources Madonnarama and Madonna Tribe posted an exclusive: Madonna‘s lead single is a Martin Solveig-produced track called “Give Me All Your Love,” featuring M.I.A. and Nicki Minaj. She will also perform the song during her upcoming Superbowl performance on February 5, along with four other songs.

My immediate response, naturally, was something like this:

That would be ridiculous, right? I mean, Solveig is an amazing producer, I sincerely do love M.I.A, and we all know that Nicki Minaj is a dish best served in feature only form, but…I’m still haunted by Hard Candy nightmares! I wouldn’t want this to be another Justin Timberlake-riding attempt at relevancy. This album simply cannot reek of desperation!

Beyond that, she’s a fucking legend. THIS WOMAN SINGS “LIVE TO TELL.” She doesn’t need to bandwagon along with whatever’s hot on the radio right now! 2005 was not that long ago, and she managed to craft one of the most incredible albums of the decade while remaining true to her legacy with Confessions On A Dance Floor.

And so I confidently assumed that Madge Tribe simply got it wrong this time, going so far as to tweet that I would move to Mars if this were actually the case. Now, it appears I need to go pack my bags.

From JustJared:

Madonna will perform her new single “Give Me All Your Love” at Super Bowl XLVI on February 5, 2012 held at Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis, Ind. JustJared.com can confirm that the catchy new tune, produced by Martin Solveig (”Hello“), is off of Madonna’s forthcoming 12th studio album.

M.I.A. and Nicki Minaj will make guest appearance during Madonna’s performance, which will feature all sorts of cheerleading tumbles, dances, and jumps.

Gulp.

So it’s true. Madonna’s really is doing a song with M.I.A. and Nicki Minaj.

I suppose it can go either way now–she’ll either bring “Till The World Ends (feat. Nicki Minaj & Ke$ha)” levels of greatness, or Floptina Legend “Woohoo (feat. Nicki Minaj)” buckets of flopnessity. Either way, it still sounds like some sort of stupid forum rumor that I wish would just go away forever and leave me alone.

But let’s face it: She’s Madonna. No man on Earth would say that he don’t wanna…hear this song! (By the way, that’s a reference.) And although I’m still vaguely (read: incredibly) skeptical and wish it were a solo track, I’m still SO FUCKING EXCITED for new Madonna. I mean…it’s MADONNA! Duh.

Plus, as I said before: Solveig’s great, M.I.A.’s great, and Minaj is great (when she’s a guest, anyway), so now I’m left feeling something a bit more like this:

Why should I be sad? Heaven knows. We haven’t even heard the song yet–I can’t pass judgement! I’m just going to clutch my rosary and hope for the best. She is, after all, Our One and Only Pop Savior.

BRING IT, MADONNA.