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Paris Hilton, “Good Time”: The Time Has Come, And It Is Good

paris-hilton-good-time

This is it, fellow Heirs and Heiresses: The wait for Queen Paris Hilton‘s long, long, long delayed comeback is finally over.

Two full years after the song first premiered live during a festival performance, Paris’ DJ Afrojack-produced comeback single “Good Time” has made its official debut tonight, along with the glossy accompanying video.

So, how is it? Well, it’s a good time. Obviously.

It’s like a glamorous dance floor companion to Miley‘s sizzurp-drenched, fucks-free summer smash, “We Can’t Stop.” Let’s break down the specifics!

Paris’ Life Mantra:

+ Are you having a good time? Because Paris Hilton is having a good time. And so long as you are with her, she’ll continue having a good time. Oh, and if you’re not having a good time, then get the fuck out.

Paris’ Beats:

+ It’s a sparkling EDM production, complete with all the nasty beat drops you’d expect from today’s big EDM producers (like the song’s producer, Afrojack). It also vaguely sounds like something unearthed from a warehouse techno rave in 1994.

Paris’ Goals:

+ To party
+ To have a good time

Paris’ Main Accomplices:

+ Sexy girls

Paris’ Fucks:

+ Notably absent. (“Paparazzi, I don’t give a fuck,” she assures us at one point.)

Paris’ Blood Alcohol Level:

+About 0.04–0.08, or “a bit tipsy.” Paris is not fit for driving — but not yet incapacitated.

Paris’ Problems:

+ Haters
+ The paparazzi
+ Non-partiers

Paris’ Contractual Obligations:

+ Lil Wayne, Young Money label mate, comes in later to provide some thoughtful introspection with his guest verse: “All she know is suck, fuck / I walked up to her big butt, and asked her ass, ‘But what?,’ he groans in his usual wheeze-speak. And that is exactly that kind of lyricism that keeps him at the top of the rap game!

Paris’ Video:

+ Like Miley‘s “We Can’t Stop” house party, Paris spends the duration of her video partying it up with her hot friends. Except, instead of smashing french fry skulls, twerking and doing lines in the bathroom, Paris is laying out in the sun in glamorous bathing suits and oversized sunglasses, serving face and dancing the night away at a major pool party.

All in good fun! Now, let us now have a good time. Praise her light!

“Good Time” is released on October 8. (iTunes)