Nicole: More Than A Pussy

So, I’ve got to get something off of my chest…It’s not quite a confession, but not a proud moment either. There’s a certain song that I’ve been absolutely adoring lately. Not just for now, but for the past two months. Literally. The song in question? The flop-tastic “Whatever U Like” by Miss Nicole “Poon” Scherzazingagger.

There are reasons plentiful to be shaking your enraged fist at the screen at this point. The track is unoriginal for one, and to anyone unaware, check out Chili‘s unreleased track “Straight Jack ‘Em” with Missy Elliot.

Doesn’t stop there, though. The next offending rip was from Kelis‘ “Blindfold Me.” Not that it’s a coincidence–both tracks share the same producer: Polow Da Don.

Riding high off of the skanky-sweet success of PCD‘s fairly brilliant debut album, Nicole Scherzinger’s eyes were set firmly on a solo recording career in 2007. An album was in the works, singles were being selected, and success seemed only one solid floor-filler away from forcing everyone in America to finally memorize her dreaded last name. Thus, “Whatever U Like” was born.

Far from a standard booty shaker though, “Whatever U Like” features several elements combined into one: Multiple breakdowns, playful lyrical round-a-bouts, and a seriously addictive chorus. Lyrical moments of genius were found in the verse bits, including “First stop, let me drop, pop like a helicop’, pay attention to me while I show you the scenario.”

The track debuted during the last week in August, around the same time that “Gimme More” burst out of the stratosphere. To promote, Nicole would be performing as the final artist of the pre-VMA ceremony. On a night during which Britney‘s comeback would provoke an onsalught of media scrutiny for her shaky performance, Nicole too displayed an equally unbalanced effort: Her vocals were jittery and nervewrecked; her moves unfocused. The entire ensemble provided a perfect example of why live vocals do not always “qualify” a performance. Instead of making the song come alive, the microphone proved a huge stalling point for Nicole. Promotion soon stalled, and the single never lifted off the airwaves. It peaked on the Hot 100 at #104, took a quick dip in and out of the clubs, and was never to be heard from again.

Fast forward to September ’08. Purely by accident, I stumbled across the video for “Whatever U Like” while perusing (note: procrastinating) through YouTube. After an initial eye roll, it suddenly hit me: This song was worth more than a passing moment! It’s got a well-crafted video in its defense. If you can get past the “Ring The Alarm” bells and whistles and more expected ass-and-tits shots, thre are still about a half-dozen moments of genius, including grungy cinematography that wavers somewhere between low budget film and art house.


With the release of Doll Domination this year, it was clear that the label was doing its best to place Nicole at the forefront to prepare her for an actual debut in 2009. The package includes a double-disc with solo material from each Doll, as well as recycled tracks from Nicole’s stalled first attempt. However, with tanking CD sale numbers and sub-par song quality in comparison to the first attempt, things continue to appear quite dubious regarding Nicole’s solo dreams.

Nicole has a healthy amount of potential, and it’s a shame that she isn’t reaching onto the proper material or promotion to do so on her own. Her voice is wonderful in the studio, and she does showcase it live quite often. She’s sporting an indeterminable future at the moment, sort of like Alesha Dixon‘s Fired Up fiasco. For now, let us revel in times that were quite promising…”Whatever U Like,” a deserving opportunity.

There now…I feel resolved.

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