Well, I’m pissed, so this is mostly just going to come out in random spurts of anger that are occasionally bolded.

The video for “3″ is not sexy. It is not smart. It is, for the most part, uninteresting. Her hair looks bad. Her eyes look dead. There isn’t even any horse porn.

Yes, the screen shot previews were deceivingly gorgeous. Had I known that the video would be little more than a series of those intense close-ups looped on repeat, I would have been less excited coming into this project.

There’s essentially no real “dancing,” no plot line, and no point. For the most part, “3″ is about Britney and her back-up dancers frolicking ’round in a white, nebulous non-space together. As for the work of ‘acclaimed choreographers Tone & Rich‘? Maybe they came in to help install the plate of glass Britney smushes her hands and face against repeatedly.

There are no actual threesomes, and hardly any implied ones either. There were occasional moments in which Britney was joined by two men (probably accidental), but otherwise, the song’s content is conveniently overlooked.

Oh, and here’s the killer: “Living in sin is the new thing,” the song’s best lyric? Censored. Yep! No explanation for why, but apparently all the boys and all the girls are begging to “live in this.”

The ladies-on-the-pole horizontal dancey bit is the only good moment. I enjoyed that immensely, and there were some near-sexy hip gyrations thrown into the routine.

But alas, ’twas not enough to save the clip. By the video’s end, I felt the way Britney looked throughout–bored and slightly battered.

This video simply does NOT deserve a place next to Britney’s finest on the Singles Collection DVD. I mean…”I’m A Slave 4 U,” anyone? It’s been almost ten years later, and it’s still miles ahead of “3″ as far as maturity, style, and iconic status are concerned.

I’m ready for this childish era of Britney’s career to end. I love her death, and I refuse to watch her produce this kind of mediocrity. FOR GOD’S SAKE, SHE DID “TOXIC.”

Reload, Britney…reload.

Photo courtesy of Namie News Network.

The Queen of J-Pop is releasing a new album!

Namie Amuro will be releasing her as-of-now untitled eighth studio album on December 16 according to her official website. The tracklisting is as follows:

【CD】
・WILD
・Dr.
・MY LOVE
・COPY THAT!
・FAST CAR
・BAD HABIT
・LOVE GAME
・Steal my night
・Shut Up
・The Meaning Of Us
・Defend Love

“LOVE GAME”?! I wonder if it’s a cover…

Oh, and for anyone wondering just who I’m referring to (and/or feeling particularly pop-curious), try this clip on for size.

And now, the three five second video teasers brought to us today by Britney.com. I’ve put them in proper order:

I hate to say it, but they’re a little awkward and messy. I remain both nervous and hopeful as always.

Guess we shall s33…

I’m so proud!

Tonight, Ellie Goulding performed live for the first time ever on national television–on Later…With Jools Holland no less.

Though the event was somewhat uncalled for (the single’s not even been released yet, and she’s never actually released anything otherwise), Goulding kept it simple in what was a visibly nerve-ridden, yet ultimately satisfying live rendition of her debut single, “Under the Sheets.”

The drum and cymbal surely provided a good way to dispel the nervous energy; having Starsmith, the song’s producer, standing behind her no doubt helped as well.

Job well done, Ellie!

Photo courtesy of Flickr.

Yes, you read that correctly:

Japanese superstar Utada will be touring under Live Nation stateside (AND at least one date in the UK) beginning in January of next year.

According to an e-mail directly from Mike Rizzo (who will be DJ’ing her sets), Utada will begin the tour in Hawaii in mid-January, move through 10 U.S. cities, and end in London on February 12.

I can’t believe it…I’m finally going to see Utada!

Photo courtesy of Britney.com.

According to Britney’s tweets, the music video for “3″ will debut in just 3 days–the day before Hallow33n!

To celebrate/hype the video release, Britney.com is going to release 3 photos today, 3 video snippets tomorrow, and the video for “3″ on Friday. Or, just read this for all the info:

Day 1: Photo Release
Three never-before-seen photos from the final “3” video will be released via Britney’s official Twitter today — one photo will be sent out every 3 hours. Triple fun that way.

Day 2: Video Challenge
We will release three 5-second clips of the “3” video starting tomorrow morning — one clip will be sent out every 3 hours via Britney’s Twitter. The clips will be sent out of order and will be available as downloadable .mov files on Britney.com. B fans will be challenged to piece together the three clips to form a 15-second video teaser. Now are you game?

Day 3: 3-Day
On Friday, Oct. 30, Britney will Tweet the link of the video premiere for your viewing pleasure. Livin’ in sin is the new thing.

I thought this was a rather intriguing story to hit my mailbox this morning…perhaps even one of my Muusers could enter?

Simon Fuller–the media mogul behind the Spice Girls, American Idol, S Club 7, Cathy Dennis, Mini Viva and more–is teaming up with Universal Records and MySpace to start up a talent search for the next big boy band.

The project, called The Boys Are Back in Town, is now live and looking for talent between the ages of 16 and 21 to enter and become “the next global music sensation.” According to the website, winners will be flown out to London to take part in a live audition in November.

Normally I’d scoff at this, but it is Simon Fuller we’re talking about. Is this the beginning of a new mega-band? I don’t know, but it better damn well involve Xenomania.

According to RihannaDaily, this is what the new Rihanna album cover looks like.

Heavy dark glamour? Eye-gouge ready hand gear? Yes, please. Aside from the dodgy “R” logo, I love it.

Give me moody RiRi any day.