OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY GAW, Y’ALL.

HOOOOOKAY, SO: This is the 30-second teaser for Britney‘s “I Wanna Go,” directed by Chris Marrs Piliero.

Queen B’s whippin’ her mic back and forth in this sexy, colorful new tease ahead of the full video, which is shaping up to look something like the love-child of “I Love Rock & Roll” aand a touch of the Pussycat Dolls‘ “When I Grow Up” (you know, we never did get to see that cameo!)

How ridiculously gorgeous does she look here?! I mean, talk about HOTNEY GODNEY! Body’s looking so sick..I think I caught the flu! Flawless beauty remains flawless, etc.

Most importantly, um…Crossroads 2: Cross Harder? So Sillyney! STAN BOY DREAMS REALLY DO COME TRUE!

I AM SLAYED.

I’m swooning already. Praise Godney Jeansus.

The full video for “I Wanna Go” will be released on Wednesday, June 22.

2011: YEAR OF THE SPEARS.

“I Wanna Go” was released to radio in June. (iTunes)

Cat Deeley may not yet be on the shortlist to be considered for sainthood, but after an unbelievably inspired moment while hosting So You Think You Can Dance last Thursday night, the Pope may have just jumped up from his throne at the Vatican and shouted “SHUT THE FUCK UP: ADD DIS BITCH’S NAME TO THE LIST.”

You see, Keri Hilson was on the show Thursday to steal Gaga‘s “The Edge of Glory” video premiere shine perform/lip-synch to her latest No Boys Allowed smash and MuuMuse Approved favorite, “Lose Control.”

Miss Keri Baby provided a very strong, sexy performance that involved a lot of (a) shaking (b) winding and (c) rolling, except for the part where she accidentally ate her earrings for like 20 minutes. (See the 0:47 mark.)

But the true genius of Hilson’s performance began after the song concluded, as Cat Deeley grinned into the camera (at the 3:30 mark) and shouted: “Ladies and gents, let’s hear it for her. It’s Kelly Hilson, everybody!”

Kelly Hilson.

KELLY HILSON.

KELLY MOTHER FUCKING HILSON.

“Kelly Hilson” then began to trend worldwide on Twitter only seconds later, where it would remain for much of the night.

Now I’m not an expert on religious phenomena, but if “Kelly Hilson” isn’t the greatest miracle bestowed upon the world since air, Oreos and Britney Spears, I don’t actually know what is.

KELLY HILSON: YOUR FAVES COULD NEVER (BECAUSE THEY DON’T ACTUALLY KNOW WHO THAT PERSON IS).

BOW THE FUCK DOWN: YOU’RE IN GODNEY’S HOUSE NOW.

Last night, you may or may not have noticed/unfollowed me after seeing a flurry of tweets like this during Britney‘s opening night on the Femme Fatale Tour in Sacramento, California.

If you didn’t, you missed quite the experience as myself and a million other stans remained glued to a mouthy Nicki Minaj stan’s UStream account, where he was broadcasting the entire concert from his phone (give or take about a dozen or so lost connections.)

While the photos started rolling in from the crowd, we pussy popped to the almighty tour remixes blaring from the shaky, low quality stream and shook/cried in sheer awe of the LIVE. VOCALS. (Maybe. Some of the more dubious suggest they’re only raw prerecorded vocals, but I choose to believe that every fluttery improvised riff and slight voice faltering was live. Regardless, the vocals for each song were certainly new.)

We gasped! We cried! We screamed! We cheered! But most of all, we bowed down in reverence to the Almighty Godney who is, in every respect, back.

Above, watch Britney opening the show with “Hold It Against Me” (and fucking DANCING, might I add), having some serious fun on stage with “How I Roll,” singing an absolutely live rendition of “Don’t Let Me Be The Last To Know” (I cried, real talk), followed by her phoenix-rising-from-the-ashes moment: “Gimme More.” I absolutely can’t. I get chills watching every single time!

While you’re at it, watch every video from YouTube user, MrBritneyIcon. And for more photos, check out Just Jared.

So incredibly proud to be a fan in this moment. I couldn’t be happier–this is why she’ll always be my number one!

Now Britney, hurry up and get your ass over to the East Coast…NOW!

LEGEND. QUEEN. ICON. PERFECTION. GODDESS.

2011: YEAR OF THE SPEARS.

And now, the video for Lady Gaga‘s third single off of Born This Way: “The Edge Of Glory.”

Spoiler Alert: Literally nothing happens. She dances and thrusts around a fire escape, and then that’s it.

This all sort of doubly confirms the rumours that some major shit went down behind-the-scenes of this production (which was originally being directed by Joseph Kahn), because this looks like she whipped it up during a cigarette break before her performance on the Germany’s Next Top Model finale. In fact, just watch that instead.

In some ways, this is Gaga’s “Gimme More” video moment. (That’s a Britney reference, for those unaware. Also, the fuck you doin’ on MuuMuse if you didn’t know that?) Not in terms of the quality–”Gimme More” is still a genius slice of pop history; the perfect representation of Britney’s actual undoing onscreen–but rather in terms of production.

From many accounts behind-the-scenes, the filming of “The Edge of Glory” was a disaster that wound up in a complete set shutdown. And as with the missing stills from Britney’s video, we know there was an entirely different video planned that was sidelined by Britney’s–erm, lack of presence. So now, we’re left wondering: What could have been?

At least she looks hot…right? Right?

“The Edge of Glory” was released on May 9. (iTunes)

YASSSSSSSSS! PRAISE GODNEY.

It’s official: The video for Britney‘s third Femme Fatale single, “I Wanna Go,” will be premiering on MTV next Wednesday…at 6 A.M. (Oh?! Prime viewership time?!)

From Billboard.biz:

Britney Spears’ official “I Wanna Go” video will make its MTV premiere at 6 a.m. ET on June 22, sliding in just in time to qualify for this year’s MTV Video Music Awards.

The eligibility period for the MTV Video Awards closes June 24, which has resulted in a pile-up of video premieres over the last two weeks.

Perfect. Stellar. Flawless. Legendary. Cannot even wait.

GOOD LUCK TONIGHT, BRIT BRIT!!!

Grab your spectacles ladies, because we’re about to read.

Above is a promotional clip for legendary dance group Cascada‘s upcoming album/greatest hits collection (?), entitled–wait for it…

LOLOLOLOL.

Along with an album’s worth of new, “original” material (including recent smash, “Pyromania”), Original Me comes bundled with such Cascada classics as:

+ “San Francisco” (known legally as Katy Perry‘s “California Gurls”)
+ “Truly Madly Deeply” (A Savage Garden cover, made to sound like Cascada’s “Everytime We Touch”)
+ “What Hurts The Most” (a Rascal Flatts cover made to sound like Cascada’s “Everytime We Touch”)
+ “Because The Night” (a Patti Smith cover made to sound like Cascada’s “Everytime We Touch”)
+ “Bad Boy” (“Everytime We Touch”)
+ “What Do You Want From Me?” (“Everytime We Touch”)
+ And of course, “Everytime We Touch.”

But while we’re on the subject, I have to ask: What’s everyone’s favorite Cascada song? I would have to say mine is “Everytime We Touch.”

I CAN’T.

Original Me will be released on June 21. (iTunes UK)

One of the nagging flaws hidden behind today’s flood of self-empowerment pop (“Born This Way”/”We R Who We R”/”Firework”/”Who Says?”) is that, despite all of their genuinely earnest pleas for positivity and self-love, sometimes it’s difficult to latch onto the solution without ever actually addressing the pain.

Enter Skylar Grey, the stellar songwriter behind the devastating melodies of such smashes as Eminem‘s “Love The Way You Lie (feat. Rihanna)” and Dr. Dre‘s “I Need A Doctor (feat. Eminem & Skylar Grey)”.

After premiering her jagged, ’90′s angst rock-esque buzz single “Dance Without You” two weeks ago, the singer returns with “Invisible”–the lead single from her forthcoming studio album, Invinsible–which made its world premiere this morning on On Air with Ryan Seacrest.

“Even when I’m walking on a wire, even when I set myself on fire / Why do I always feel invisible?” Grey sadly croons above the slow-stuttering Alex Da Kid-produced beat and a sad, distant guitar strum, listing off an endless array of unhealthy tendencies and endless anxieties in the process.

While “Invisible” will probably one of the saddest songs to (potentially) impact radio in a while, the song demonstrates the beauty of embracing the hurt rather than swallowing her sorrows into yet another anthem: It’s a raw, visceral pain that doesn’t feel patronizing in the least–a far cry from being asked if I’ve ever felt like a plastic bag floating in the wind.

Skylar gets it. ‘Nough said.

Skylar Grey “Invisible” by igapromotion

Dear Australia,

Tomorrow (Friday, June 17 for clarification, because I don’t get you with your frivolous time zones and the whole kangaroo thing), singer-songwriter/MuuMuse favesie Wynter Gordon will be releasing her debut LP, With The Music I Die.

With The Music I Die is a great album–nay, an amazing album, and it will almost undoubtedly land somewhere high on my Top 10 of 2011 list–that is, unless Britney Spears releases 9 more albums this year.

As a result, I’m urging you now:

BUY THIS RECORD.

Cherish it. Play it until your iPod dies, and then play it on your computer while your iPod is charging, and then play it over and over on your iPod until it dies again. AND THEN GET SOME FOOD BECAUSE YOU JUST FORGOT TO EAT, IDIOT.

Because she deserves it. And you deserve it. And we deserve it. And if you don’t buy it, you’re literally dead to me.

A more formal review is on its way for next week.

With The Music I Die is released on June 17 in Australia. (iTunes Australia)