Hanging onto your Frappes, Brit stans?

Godney took to Facebook today to make a very special video announcement for her fans–specifically of the Latino persuasion.

Watch as our fearless Spearleader–basked in a Holy Golden Spearit Glow–delivers a one sentence announcement while boldly, unabashedly staring straight into a cue card below the camera. “Check back into my Facebook page on July 25 to find out where my Femme Fatale Tour is heading after Europe. Adios, amigos!” she mutters. (Just between you and me–and this is completely a shot in the dark here–but I think she might mean South America!)

Oh, Brit Brit. You’re such a silly goose! But then again…who the fuck got time to memorize that shit?! NOT A LIVING LEGEND, THAT’S FOR DAMN SURE.

2011: EL AÑO DE LA SPEARS.

Nicole Scherzinger – “I’m Gonna” (Unreleased)

Kweens, rejoice!

Blessed beauty Nicole Scherzinbehindthesehazeleyeser has just sprung a leak–and she’s serving up some serious ’90′s House RuPaul realness!

“I’m Gonna,” produced by remix aficionado Dave Aude, is but a scrap picked up from the ground of the Killer Love sessions. And while it’s easy to understand why the House-infused throwback track didn’t make the thoroughly modern RedOne tracklisting of Scherzy’s long-delayed debut, that doesn’t mean that this isn’t one of the best solo cuts Scherzy’s ever served up!

Packed to the brim with luscious piano chords and a relentless, feel-good ’90′s House beat, Nicole’s gone and made like Brit Brit on her Inner City lovin’ Femme Fatale bonus track “Up & Down” and borrowed from the past, heavily sampling Bizarre Inc.‘s #1 1992 Billboard Dance hit, “I’m Gonna Get You.”

“I’m gonna get you, baby…I’m gonna get you, yes I am!” she proudly declares atop the fresh, funky club rhythms. YASSSS!

This is some good ‘ish. This is some dance-’round-the-room ‘ish. This is that ‘ish you just know Kimberly Wyatt puts her face on to before hitting the stage at 4 A.M. to host the nightly drag revue in London (in which Carmit Bachar performs.)

WORRRRRRK, MAMA!

Another year, another MTV Video Music Awards, which means it’s time for a whole ‘nother round of Kanye rage and death threats from Britney stans demanding to know whether or not she’ll be performing this year.

But before we get into that whole mess–it’s the nominees for the 2011 MTV VMAs!

Last night, MTV opened up the vote for the 2011 MTV Music Video Awards. And almost just as quickly, the tweets began to fill up my timeline with various outbursts and damning remarks: #MTVFail! #MTVFail! So what’s got everyone’s panties in an Ashley Tizzydale? Let’s see who made the cut…below the cut.

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Maroon 5 – “Moves Like Jagger (feat. Christina Aguilera) (Cutmore Club Mix)”

Unless you’ve been LIVING UNDER A ROCK IN SUB-SAHARAN AFRICA OR SOMETHING, you’d know that I recently became famous after my tweet was famously read aloud on The Voice.

Therefore, what site could be better suited to Excluusively premiere a brand new mix of “Moves Like Jagger,” the spicy hot collaboration between two of The Voice‘s sexiest judges–Christina Aguilera and Adam “HE CAN GET IT ANY DAY” Levine–than MuuMuse? (This will also undoubtedly get me one step closer to Adam, so…)

In what is without a doubt the greatest ode to a person’s dance moves since Bobby “Boris” Pickett and the Crypt-Kickers‘ “The Monster Mash,” the feisty Maroon 5 ode to Rolling Stones frontman Mick Jagger‘s schweet dance skills is one of the summer’s sparkling best–featuring scorching hot guitar riffs, that easy, breezy oh-so-catchy whistled melody, and an all too-brief diva boost by the buxom beauty herself, Lady Lipstick Trance Legendtina.

The Cutmore Club mix of the song (above) adds a serious sizzle to the bass line, making “Moves Like Jagger” even more tailored for the dance floor than ever before. So fashion a fan out of your old copies of Mi Reflejo and start fanning yourselves out, Muusers–because this is hot, hot, HOT!

The song’s accompanying video, directed by Jonas Akerlund, will be premiering soon.

“Moves Like Jagger” was released on June 21. (iTunes)

I like my Kelly Clarkson the way French people like their steak: raw, bloody, and vulnerable.

Let’s face it: she releases her best material when Clive Davis isn’t acting like Mary fucking Poppins and trying to force spoonfuls of sugar down her throat. He is to her what Sam Lutfi was to Britney Spears or what Kalteen bars were to Regina George: the catalyst for an all around disconnect from personal reality (with a side of dramatic weight gain).

Kelly’s greatest work will unarguably forever be her third studio album, My December (I say unarguably because if you even try to argue this with me, just know that you’ll go down faster than Bionic’s album sales). That record featured truly heart-wrenching, beautiful and honest tracks like “Maybe” and “Sober,” dark and hurt songs like “Haunted” and “Irvine,” and the vindictively delicious slash-your-ex’s-tires-anthem “Never Again.”

The entire album was (while not commercially viable) completely flawless. Why? Because Kelly had full artistic control. It was her baby. The aural transcript of her attempting to cope with and move past the tremendous suffering her heart had been through.

Then, like a venomous spider, RCA Music Group CEO Clive Davis came crawling around to suck the life out of Kelly’s artistic integrity. Since My December did not perform nearly as well as Kelly’s previous album (2004’s Breakaway), he had her relinquish her reigns of control and tried to revamp her image to be more of a sugarcoated and generic bubblegum pop star.

The result? The spitefully titled All I Ever Wanted, featuring such inauthentic tracks as the Katy Perry-written “I Do Not Hook Up” and Beyonce’s horcrux, “Already Gone”. Even the album artwork was a slap in the face to Kelly. Gone was the lady in the red dress perched on a Tim Burton-esque staircase and in her place was the sad-eyed product of a brutal industry, posing in a leather jacket amidst a recycled backdrop from Britney’s Blackout album.

But then something miraculous happened. Tracks and demos from Kelly’s upcoming fifth album (set to be released this fall) started leaking online. Songs like “Let Me Down” and “I Forgive You” had Kelly returning to the dirty grunge of My December while songs like “What Doesn’t Kill You” blended that sound with the commercial dance-pop elements of her more mainstream hits like “My Life Would Suck Without You.” Could it be that Kelly’s new record will finally be a happy merging of her white and black swans?

It seems like all the signs are pointing to yes. The strongest example of this comes in the form of the leaks’ strongest track, “Dark Side.” The song opens with a soft jewelry box introduction, followed by the entrance of Kelly’s subdued vocals. This seemingly mid-tempo number, however, takes a sharp turn as it reaches its fast-paced, rocking, power-pop chorus.

“Everybody’s got a dark side / Do you love me? / Can you love mine? / Nobody’s a picture perfect/ But we’re worth it/ You know that we’re worth it / Will you love me / Even with my dark side?” Kelly belts over slick guitar riffs, pounding percussion and the slightest pulse of dance beats.

Lyrically, “Dark Side” is reminiscent of previous gems in Kelly’s repertoire such as “Can I Have A Kiss,” “Empty As I Am” and “Don’t” – all of which are self-aware songs about her looking for someone to love her despite her flaws. Musically, the track is composed of the soaring and triumphant pop/rock that made songs like “Since U Been Gone” and “Behind These Hazel Eyes” such standout smashes.

With “Dark Side,” it seems like divided Kelly-aholics can finally meet halfway. On one side, you can cry, rip up old pictures of an ex and scream-sing until your face is an unnatural shade of red. While on the other side, you can throw your hands up in the air and make like Paula Abdul by dancing like there’s no tomorrow. For the first time, it’s a win/win for both sides of the Clarkstan spectrum.

If the songs that have surfaced online are truly an indication of the direction Kelly Clarkson’s next album is going in, I am nothing but confident that it will be the best release of the year (yeah, I went there). While I understand that My December will never happen again, I believe that “Dark Side” is the closest we’ll ever get to it – and that makes it easily the most refreshing and exciting song I’ve heard in months.

No, but wait, like–is this BRITMAS IN JULY RIGHT NOW?!

IT MUST BE.

Hot off the heels of the newly leaked alternate cut of “Gimme More” (I still can’t believe that happened), check out this newly leaked 16-second clip behind-the-scenes from Godney’s stellar cameo in the video backdrop for “Human Nature” on The Holy Madge‘s Sticky & Sweet Tour.

GOD, SHE’S SO FIERCENEY. Look at her rip that hoodie off, y’all!

So what’s next to leak? Original Doll?! The rumored video for “When Your Eyes Say It”?! I JUST WANT MOAH!!!

If you’re like me, you spend a majority of your night lying awake in bed wondering aloud: “What are the Spice Girls doing with their lives right now?”

Well, Victoria‘s busy being flawless and pushing out babies named after magazines and fashionable jeans. Mel B is busy being pregnant, Emma‘s being mommy-like and hosting radio shows, and Geri‘s busy getting her biddies out with both an upcoming bikini line and new music. (Which of the two will burst out first? Who knows!)

As for Melanie C? She’s about to release her fifth studio album, The Sea.

After the quiet release of the (very good) “Rock Me” in June as an official tie-in with the 2011 FIFA Women’s World Cup (keeping it Sporty, always!), the singer has come rocketing back with the (amazing) official lead single from the campaign: “Think About It.”

Recorded with Adam Argyle (who also worked on Melanie’s last two studio albums) and Danish producer Cutfather (Kylie Minogue, The Wanted), “Think About It” might best be described as a perfect mash-up between “Raise Your Glass,” “Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)” and “Teenage Dream,” meshing the gritty guitar verses of P!nk and Katy Perry‘s rebel revelry anthems and mixing them up with the masterfully lush, dreamy choruses of Perry’s 2010 summer smash.

Is it the most original song? No, not particularly–it’s essentially the greatest parts of Teenage Dream. But one listen to those gorgeous, soaring vocals and pulsing summery synthesizers and you’ll likely forget that you probably heard this one playing on the radio before.

To order the limited edition “Think About It” CD single, click here.

The Sea will be released on September 4. (iTunes)

Photo courtesy of Travis Holliday.

Last Friday night, the boys of the fabulous monthly NYC gay party GUMBO took their show on the road–migrating from their usual locale at the Galapagos Art Space in Brooklyn’s DUMBO to the Canal Room in Tribeca.

After a spirited opening (and NYC debut!) by electro-pop vixen 21st Century Girl, “Impossible” crooner and Bajan beauty Shontelle hit the stage to tear into some of her biggest hits off of her last two studio albums, Shontelligence and No Gravity.

But prior to her performance that night, the singer was kind enough to spend some time chatting with all three of MuuMuse’s contributors–myself, Sam and Alex–before trekking upstairs to hit the stage at around 1:30 A.M.

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