FORWARD…MARCH!

Here at MuuMuse, we’ve got our guns, got our guns, we got our guns in the mothafuckin’ ayuh. Why? Because it’s time for the premiere of Rihannoir‘s “Hard.”

There are explosions. There are spikes. There is a surplus in sass-talking, shoulder pads, and duct-taped nipples…and that’s just the first two minutes!

There is also mud-rolling, and a flash of army men playing cards and betting chips (WHICH IS A LOT LIKE A CONTINUATION OF RUSSIAN ROULETTE WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT.)

At the delicious 2:12 mark, Riri takes aim where it hurts: Making the hand gesture that means ‘You have a tiny penis.’ Because as we now well know, Rihanna is a size queen…so it probably has something to do with C. Brown‘s penis. I’m literally just guessing at this point.

And I haven’t even BEGUN to analyze the multi-layered gender studies-ready reading of the straddling-a-pink-turret-while-wearing-Mickey-Mouse-combat-helmet moment at the 2:40 mark. Sacrefreud!

But THEN , just when you think it could not get any better, she defies ALL of my expectations at the 3:30 mark and, during the “Where dem’ bloggas at?” section, PRETENDS TO BE TYPING ON A KEYBOARD. IT IS LIKE SHE IS TALKING DIRECTLY TO ME.

This video is literally too good to be true. I need to lie down.

Forget the military’s “Army of One” recruiting campaigns…this is all they’ll ever need.

Viva la Rihannoir!

Lots of juicy tidbits in my inbox today!

Vice Magazine, in partnership with Vodafone, has undertaken a new video interview series called Heroes, which spotlights several recording artists from around the world.

Here’s what they have to say about it:

Lily Allen is nothing if not honest in her lyrics and her commendable quest for “fuckloads of diamonds”, and that’s probably why most people on the planet, including us, love her. As part of our ongoing Heroes project with Vodafone, we sat down with Lils, who’s been touring for a year, to talk about her plans to move to the countryside and have babies as she got ready for her first ever gig in Liverpool. You can watch the full series here.

If you head over to the site, you’ll be able to watch all the video segments, featuring some rather stunning visuals displayed in massive full screen–not to mention the high quality recordings of some of Lily’s performances live in Liverpool.

And it doesn’t stop with L’Allen: Peaches, Santigold, VV Brown and La Roux are ALL featured as well in the Heroes campaign. (Click and flick the mouse downward on the screen to cycle through all the names!)

The site is oriented around the Vodafone 360, pitting all the artists as “Contacts” on the phone. If you peruse the site a little more, you’ll find a lot of silly little features including videos, pictures, map details, and status updates.

It’s actually a lot of fun…so poke around!

Skipping the boxing ring routine for a fluffy round of “Diamond’s Are A Girl’s Best Friend” inspired, glitter ‘n’ feathers choreography, Jennifer Lopez brought her most feminine interpretation of her new single, “Louboutins” to the stage tonight on the So You Think You Can Dance? finale.

I’m just sort of in love with this song and every one of its accompanying performances, so don’t ask me to be critical. I mean, she’s dancing in a giant stiletto for God’s sake. How am I supposed to remain objective?!

Loved it.

Photo courtesy of Faded Youth.

Behold: The Queen of Pop (and her princess!) looking fresh to death at the premiere of Nine in New York tonight.

It’s as though “Material Girl” were released just yesterday…such a natural continuation from the classic Madonna look!

…is that it’s ironically titled.

Past < Future is certainly not Namie Amuro‘s best work. After trying three times, I have absolutely no desire to revisit the album, aside from “WILD,” and perhaps “Dr.” and “Love Game.” Otherwise, nothing sticks.

It’s all a bit noisy, boring, and generic…all at the same time.

Sorry, Namie…try as I might, it’s not working for me in the slightest.

Here now, just leaked: The director’s cut of Britney‘s latest single, “3.”

This cut only proves further that Brit’s handlers are either oblivious to her fan’s desires or are just INTENTIONALLY ignoring our pleas.

The clip features a much stronger emphasis on dancing, gorgeous unused shots, and far less of those unnecessary close-ups…It’s miles better than the original!

I cannot believe that the scenes featuring Britney from the waist-up in that gorgeous, black lace outfit were removed from the final cut! She looks so sophisticated. And yes, there’s even a little bit of the fire in her eyes in these scenes! I mean, HELLO:

Are they trying to minimize her potential? Because now that we have this, it sure seems that way.

It doesn’t matter. We’ve got this now, and I couldn’t be happier!!

Ladies and gentlemen…here’s Grace!

Brigitte Fontaine is an avant-garde poet/singer from France. Her latest album released in the latter part of 2009, Prohibition, was produced by Ivor Guest, the producer behind Grace Jones‘ latest effort, Hurricane.

According to the user who uploaded the song on YouTube, “Brigitte’s poetry in this song emblazons her love on Sufism” for “Soufi,” one of the artist’s album tracks that features Guest’s dramatic production and Grace Jones’ unmistakable vocal contributions.

For Jones, this is a very natural continuation of the Hurricane sound, marked by a rapid-fire electronic beats and jarring, damning string sounds.

The uploader also suggests that Jones lent her voice to more than just this one track on the album…I guess we’ll have to wait for confirmation on that!

Grace Jones has this incredible way of continuing to maintain an underground presence. You never know where she’ll crop up next!

Just a reminder: t.A.T.u.‘s third and final (?) English studio album, Waste Management, has now been released worldwide.

Bittersweet.

Until we hear more, I remain patiently refreshing Lena’s website for updates on her solo endeavor (who has all the makings for a brilliant career of her own as far as I’m concerned).

Purchase Waste Management on iTunes | MySpace | Official Website