STOP ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING.

Tonight, “Princess of China”–Coldplay‘s hotly anticipated collaboration with Princess Rihanna as featured on their upcoming fifth studio album, Mylo Xyloto–has finally surfaced.

And now, here’s the thing…it’s INCREDIBLE. Like, thoroughly so.

Much like Coldplay’s 2008 collaboration with Kylie Minogue, “Lhuna,” “Princess of China” takes the song’s leading pop diva and places her completely out of her own element–musically, that is. The song itself is nothing even close to the radio-friendly Stargate-crafted booty jams that RiRi churns out on the regular: Instead, “Princess of China” drifts along on a hazy mixture of lush, dreamy synthesizers and a progressive stomping beat that come together to form something as fantastically strange and mystical as an ancient Mayan ritual anthem.

In some ways, “Princess of China” is the indie-rock response to RiRi’s stormy 2010 duet with Eminem (“Love The Way You Lie”)–but this time, the heartbreak’s being dealt against the sound of a thousand blaring, bleary synthesizers.

“Once upon a time we fell apart / You’re holding in your hands the two halves of my heart,” Coldplay lead Chris Martin sings during the fairy tale gone terribly wrong. Soon the song’s searing synthesizers drown into the speakers, making way for Rihanna to tell her side of the story. “I could have been a princess, you’d be a king / Could have had a castle and worn a ring / But no, you let me go,” the Bajan beauty fires back.

But it’s one shiver-inducing lyric that remains most poignant as the two singers sadly, almost deliriously sing-song in unison: “You stole my star.”

Vocally, Rihanna has never sounded better than in this moment: From the opening battle chant to the woeful cries on repeat during the tale’s agonizing close (“’cause you really hurt me”), Rihanna’s rarely displayed such versatility in a single song. It’s a testament to her (underrated) range, as well as another sign that RiRi’s still got plenty to offer in terms of emotional depth far beyond her own masterpiece, 2009′s Rated R.

“Princess of China” delivers a painful blow–a stunning victory for all parties involved, and easily one of the year’s best tracks.

Mylo Xyloto will be released on October 24. (iTunes)

It’s another day, and you know what that means…it’s time for another Beyoncé video!

Yes, King B may be busy preparing for the arrival of Baybeysus (and/or scouring the market for a more reliable prosthetic bump while LeToya Luckett secretly carries her child–my own personal theory, don’t mind me), but she’s always got time to release something new from her June release, 4.

Not even one week after unveiling the fierce, quirky video for “Countdown,” the diva is already back with the video for “Love On Top,” an utterly adorable addition to the ever-growing Knowles videography.

Backed by a group of male back-up singer/dancers, the bouncing beauty works a few choice pieces to a slightly abbreviated edit of the song–from a fully decorated army cap to a snazzy suit jacket a la her 2011 VMA performance–all while delivering pure Temptations Motown realness with a cute, well choreographed mic routine.

It’s simple, sweet, and–of course, as Beysus yells “Cut!” and strolls off-camera in the last few seconds of the clip–strictly all business. Gotta love it!

4 was released on June 28. (iTunes)

AHHHHHH!

The Living Legend knows what the hot gossip is with the kids these days. She knows we spend our lives all up in the blogs and the Tumblr, just .GIF-ing our hearts away instead of forming actual relationships with other human beings.

That is exactly why the Holy Spearit has just begun (having her fun) by granting us some blessed gifts on her Twitter account: “Criminal” .GIFs that give us just a ‘lil tease of the upcoming video, due out sometime later this week.

Over the past few hours, Brit Brit’s been uploading some different Twitter avatars from the Chris Marrs Piliero-directed video (“I Wanna Go”) that are nothing less than absolutely stunning, flawless and iconic, including a quick turn in a gorgeous evening gown, some “3″-like Hairwhipney, and even some “My Prerogative”-esque shadowy smooches.

EDIT: Two more .GIFs added! Um, that doorway glance? I CANNOT EVEN BREATHE. BOMBSHELLNEY!!!

Honestly, it’s all so very glamorous and Femme Fatale-y. It’s like a James Bond film…but better. I don’t. I can’t. It’s too much to handle for mere mortals. How can we cope? We must. We must cope, and we must live to see the final video.

2011: YEAR OF THE SPEARS.

“Criminal” was released on September 30. (iTunes)

How blessed are we, the Navy, to have such a giving and loyal Commander?

Yesterday, Barbadian Illuminati Princess Rihanna uploaded the first of three behind-the-scenes snippets for her upcoming video, “We Found Love.”

The clip follows RiRi as she gets down and dirty with a group of revelers while stomping around some good ol’ Belfast mud, as well as that fateful bandana bra twirl-through-a-cornfield scene that had one uppity Irish farmer positively fuming. (What a croppy attitude! Anyone? No? Okay. Sorry, I’ll go now.)

The Bajan beauty is simply all smiles throughout the entire shoot–directed by longtime collaborator Melina Matsoukas (“Rude Boy,” “Hard”)–which she describes later on in the teaser as “probably one of the deepest videos I’ve ever done.”

We’re getting some kind of dancing in the video, according to choreographer Tanisha Scott: “The cool part about this video and the choreography, and you probably won’t even realize there is choreography, is that she wanted a whole bunch of movement–big and expressive.” Seconds later, the camera cuts to RiRi barking out orders at Scott as she choreographs a routine on the beach. Now that’s a boss bitch!

Yet nothing quite captures the RiRi essence I love and adore quite like the Bajan beauty’s expletive-drenched explanation of the shot at hand at 4:30 (all delivered while wearing pasties): “We’re about to fuck on a tractor! Just kidding. We’re not gonna fuck on a tractor. We’re gonna fuck in a hot ass car! And guess what? They’re making me look cute so I can fuck him in the car.” Who said romance was dead?

And the boy in question? Dudley O’Shaughnessy, the very not hard to look at, very well endowed British boxer and model that will be playing the part of the love interest in “We Found Love.” Something tells me Our Lady Ri’s going to have no trouble at all riding this beat, beat, beat like a pony!

Make to sure to man your battle stations and keep a look out for the next behind-the-scenes clips to hit in the coming days, with the full video rumored to premiere sometime next week on VEVO.

“We Found Love” was released on September 22. (iTunes)

Our Beloved Queen Kylie, Empress of Everything That is Beautiful and Perfect in This World, has just uploaded a behind-the-scenes clip from the photoshoot of her latest fragrance in the Kylie Parfum series, Dazzling Darling.

Hanging from a crystal chandelier, working a top hat and channeling a bit of Liza gone Cabaret in a glitter-encrusted chair, Minogue serves nothing less than flawlessness in her newest perfume photo shoot, all with her usual flair of elegance and grace. I bow down forever and ever!

I know it’s been said before, but it’s worth repeating: The woman is now 43 years old and continues to be one of the most beautiful, timeless pop stars of our day. She simply sparkles…like a pure white diamond!

PS: Loving that thumping disco tune in the background too? That’s Ledge‘s “North Pole (Wize Remix),” released back in 2004. (iTunes)

People of Occupy Wall Street, you may now return to your homes because the fight is finally over.

Lady Gaga has won an injunction against a cartoon character named Lady Goo Goo, according to Billboard.biz.

The offending culprit–a glamorous blonde baby rocking The Fame-era sunglasses–was a character featured in the virtual pet adoption game Moshi Monsters, founded by British company Mind Candy.

From Billboard:

British company Mind Candy is behind the Moshi Monsters site, which allows children to adopt a virtual pet monster.

Its characters include Lady Goo Goo, a sunglasses-wearing blonde baby who appears in “The Moshi Dance,” a video that became an online hit after it was posted on Google Inc.’s YouTube site in June.

The company had planned to release the song as a single, but this week’s British High Court ruling bars it from “promoting, advertising, selling, distributing or otherwise making available to the public” any work involving Lady Goo Goo.

Law firm Mishcon de Reya confirmed it had represented Lady Gaga in the case, but did not give further details.

Mind Candy founder Michael Acton Smith said the ruling was “a huge disappointment.”

“It was all done in the name of fun, and we would have thought that Lady Gaga could have seen the humor behind this parody,” he said.

The humor? THE HUMOR, GOOD SIR? You make me SICK.

As one can plainly see in the video above of Goo Goo’s song “The Moshi Dance,” the demon child wears a variety of zany things on her head, including (but not limited to) an octopus, spaghetti, and a boombox. Simply revolting. (It should be noted, however, that “The Moshi Dance” remains catchier than Gaga’s latest single, “Yoü and I.”)

Luckily, Mother Monster has put an end to the madness by formally aborting the imposter glitter baby. In other words?

SUCK IT, GOO GOO.

In related news, the suit against Lady Gaga for her infringement upon Madonna‘s entire career remains ongoing.

LOLOLOL JK: JUST BEING MAD SHADY, Y’ALL!

French House fans, rejoice!

French producer/DJ extraordinaire Fred Falke is set to unleash his debut artist LP, Part IV, on December 5.

The man behind the smashing productions and remixes for some of MuuMuse’s favorite acts–including Annie, Gossip, Miike Snow, Uffie, Ke$ha, Florrie and Will Young–will be bringing his first-ever artist record through Kris Menace‘s label, Work It Baby.

From Falke, courtesy of the press release:

So much of modern music takes the ideas in the 70′s and 80′s and uses them in a very superficial way. I hope I have managed to create something that re-asserts the musicality of this era within the context of modern music and modern production methods. I’ve always sought to re-align the modern French sound with the musical heritage that informed it, to bring that sound to a young crowd…to make it relevant to them.

I was fortunate enough to get a first listen to Part IV earlier today, and while there aren’t any artists featured on the (mostly) instrumental 12-track record, the album’s slick, euphoric French House productions are nothing short of pop perfection–an absolute must for any proper party playlist.

Prepare for a wallop of funky disco grooves, hazy electronica and searing House beats!

And now, a reminder of the genius of the Falke…

Still incredible.

Part IV will be released on December 5. (iTunes)

We’re all no one ’til someone thinks that we’re someone…

…OR UNTIL WE WIN AMAZING PRIZES!

Are you la-la-LOVING NERVO‘s new single, “We’re All No One (feat. Afrojack & Steve Aoki)”? Yeah? Good, me too.

To celebrate the newest release by the gorgeous Aussie duo that brought us such smashes as “When Love Takes Over” by David Guetta and Kelly Rowland and “Put Your Hands Up” by Kween Kylie, MuuMuse is proud to be giving away a NERVO prize pack!

FOUR winners will receive the physical CD single of “We’re All No One,” featuring remixes by NERVO, Hook N Sling, Dave Audé and Jungle Fiction.

And ONE winner will receive the grand prize…
The CD single and a NERVO tee!
(It looks LIKE THIS! YASSSSS!)

To enter to win, follow me on Twitter and tweet me with the following phrase:

I want to be someone with @MuuMuse! #NervoMuu

The five winners will be selected and notified on Thursday, October 20. Enter now…good luck!

And now, one more for the road…

“We’re All No One” was released on September 2. (iTunes)